someone get that fucking seahorse.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
