What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
