If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
