so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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