Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
