make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
