If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
