You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Randomize
