Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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