If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
