I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
