i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
