This girl is more easily done than said...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
