brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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