have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
