One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also, beer. Big fan.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
