i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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