so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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