girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
