I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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