he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
