Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
