She is in my trunk
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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