i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
