Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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