I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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