Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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