You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
