My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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