508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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