I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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