On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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