Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
