we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
