I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
