I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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