My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
