My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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