Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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