All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
