I wish I could punch you in the face.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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