My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
