i jhust puked up my retainher.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
