While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
