I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
