Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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