girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
