i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
