I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
