He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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