Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I want to be your penis for a week.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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